Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
