I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
