Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
