"it" just moved
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
