saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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