smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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