Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
