How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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