Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
