WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
