Banned from zoo.
Again?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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