Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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