I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
