Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
