the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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