is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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