your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
