so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
