i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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