this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
