I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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