I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
