I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
