Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize