also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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