Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
