this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
