Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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