It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
