Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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