how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
