the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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