I faked an abortion last night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
