I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize