Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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