Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
