i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
