i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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