so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
