Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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