I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize