I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
