sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
