So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
