people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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