If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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