I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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