oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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