When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
