I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
