just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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