Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
