as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
