I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
