Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
