When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
