I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
