ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
