I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
