Banned from zoo.
Again?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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