Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
