girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
