my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
