The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
