He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
