This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
