4 words: hood of his car
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
