watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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