things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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