No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
