evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
