So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
