i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
